Happy Feet: Protectors of Emperor Land
by johnpatgillespie
Summary: It's been two months since the battle of Emperor Land, but Mumble's adventure isn't over yet. Soon new allies and new enemies will arise, and Mumble will have to enlist the help of his friends to combat these new threats. Childhood is over, and now the real adventure begins.
1. Dealing with Seymour and Petey

**Language Key:**

Regular

**_Narration_**

_Sign Language_

**Fourth Wall breaking**

**DEALING WITH PETEY AND SEYMOUR**

**_This is Emperor Land. My home. A small piece of the biggest and coldest desert in the world and granted, it's no Victoria Falls, but this over grown block of ice packs more than a couple of surprises. Though, in quite a case or two, that's not really the best thing in the world._**

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch out!" Mumble yelled as he narrowly flew past the icebergs on his new pet skua. He had still not yet fully learnt to ride one, so this had to be one of the most dangerous things he had ever done. Finally, he had reached his destination, the half peak just north of EmperorLand where he was going to meet his friends. When he landed, Johnny greeted him with "well, look who wasn't killed on his journey here, then?"

"Oh ha ha. You are so funny, you know that Johnny" Mumble answered. Johnny was joined by Andy Moriarty, Barry Tamland and his fiancé Fantine, former pirates Hellas and Aleksei, as well as Gloria's friend Katniss and her boyfriend Ozcar. Ozcar was the first of them to actually ride a skua (see Happy Feet 0.75 chapter 13 for more details) but the others had eventually learnt in the two months that had passed since the battle of EmperorLand. Suddenly a grey feathered skua landed rather clumsily on the cliff face where the group was. Seymour dismounted his pet skua, whom he had named Rappa, and dropped his friend Petey to the floor.

"What happened to Petey?" Katniss asked as Ozcar examined the sharp serrated icicles sticking out of the barely-conscious Petey's foot.

"He fell down a hole" Seymour answered. "We were out practicing flying. I was on Rappa, he was on Deathstroke. Then Deathstroke fell asleep and Petey was thrown head-first into a hole full of spikes."

"I don't know how to do this. He could have a concussion or anything" Ozcar said.

"I know. Let's go to Julius. He'll know what to do!" Katniss suggested.

"Who the bloody hell is Julius?" Hellas asked. He had been living in EmperorLand for two months now, but was still getting used to his new life.

"He's this wise old witch doctor who lives on the outskirts" Mumble answered.

"He never talks though. We'll never find out what's happened to Petey" Johnny objected.

"Well, I'm afraid Julius is the only chance Petey has" Ozcar said sternly. The group flew over to where Katniss said. a deep cavern just above EmperorLand.

"Julius? Julius, are you here?" Mumble called. A small silhouette walked into the light. Julius was a wise middle aged gentoo penguin with bright green eyes that carried a long staff with which to write in the snow.

"Julius, Petey here is injured. He needs your help" Katniss said worryingly. Julius took the unconscious Petey and laid him on a table. After fifteen or so minutes of performing what seemed to be magic from a book he kept, Julius came back with the now awake, fully bandaged Petey. Ozcar asked "so, how is he. Is anything else wrong with him?" to which the wise old penguin responded by making strange gestures with his flippers.

"Oh yes. I think he's a mute" Johnny explained as Julius continued making his unusual gestures. Just then Aleksei came in and saw the commotion. Mumble told him what was happening before Julius continued his actions. Aleksei saw this and said "Oh I see what's going on" before walking over to Julius and making the same gestures. It turned out that these gestures were actually a form of alien sign language.

Aleksei started by saying: _It is nice to meet you, Julius._

_You know sign? _Was Julius' response.

_Circus penguin _Aleksei explained. The two continued their conversation for a while, before Aleksei said in sign _thank you for your help_ before turning back to the group. "So, what did he say?" Mumble asked.

"Oh yes, Petey is fine. He just has a gash on his leg. He will live; he just has to sleep on it. Give him a night, and he'll be back to his adrenaline seeking ways in the morning."

"I'll live. Oh, thank Guin. I don't have to give Deathstroke away" Petey said in relief. Before they left, Aleksei turned back and said_ goodbye_ to Julius.

When they got back to EmperorLand, Mumble saw the newly opened Hellas and Aleksei's Antique and Blacksmith Stall under attack from feral skuas, Hellas himself trying to shoo them away. "Everything okay here, Hel?" he asked as he walked in to see Hellas cursing over a shattered old urn, the skuas flying off once Mumble had arrived. "Aye, it's fine. It's just those rogue skewers again. This is the fifth antique this week they've destroyed. It's only a matter of time before I run out of things for them to break"

"Don't worry Hellas. I'll consult Winter about it and we may be able to find a solution to your problem" Mumble said before a skua flew back and took an alien teapot, Hellas shouting "oh, y'have to be pooling me leg!" once it had done so. Mumble continued walking and noticed another mini avalanche caused by Marshall and her skua, Mumble going for cover under a thin sheet of ice that a Humboldt penguin was holding. Once the avalanche had finished, Mumble said "morning Slink. Anything new on your business" to the Humboldt, who answered "affirmative Mumble. I have just returned from the commute and I also have some fish for that friend Hellas of yours" as he pulled out a piece of torn cloth, only noticing that it was empty when he turned and saw Rappa with a fish in his mouth. Seymour quickly got on the skua and shouted "sorry!" as he was pulled into the sky.

Meanwhile, Hellas was sharpening a blade on his rock grinder as Marshall and Garner came in. "Oy lads. Any sign of Aleksei anywhere?" he asked as they entered, Marshall saying "I think he went to talk to that weird mystic again".

"Well he'd better hurry up. Ah, look who showed up for work" Hellas said as Aleksei walked in. "Hellas, I was talking to Julius again and he says I have to talk to you" Aleksei started as Hellas pushed him forward, saying "aye, we'll chat later. Meanwhile, you have to start work on those boards over there" as he walked over to a board and took off a piece of ice marked "41" saying "right. First day on the job. Now remember Aleksei our thoughts about duties to Rodan are distant memories. From now on our first duty is to our friends and neighbours. 41!" while he opened the flap to the stall, greeting the customers with "41! Anyone a 41?" as a voice said "Yeah. Right here. It's me" Hellas turning to the Chinstrap penguin with green eyes who said "yeah. I'd like one of those long sleds. You know, one with a steering wheel, cruise control and a storage compartment". Hellas answered this with "aye. Right away Mr Bennet" as he gave Aleksei the tools to build the snowsleds. Aleksei eventually managed to say "Yeah Hellas. This is a little more important than well, you know, building sleds" Hellas laughing as he said "ha ha. Dunny let 'at Win'er 'ear ya say that 'un. Remember what he tells us: not a job is too small when it comes te servin' the people! Now get te work" Aleksei saying "but Hellas. Julius always talks about the smoke he sees whenever we use that old rock grinder. Any gas near when it sparks it could burn down Emperor Land!"

"Agh. Fiddly sticks 'n Nonsense. Now come on, we've gorra few angry customers out there wee out you working!" Hellas concluded, only for another feral skua to take one of the prototype sleds.

**_Yeah, those are skuas for you. Really cause stress when you don't need them to. Of course the vast majority of Emperor Land's residents, including myself, are willing to look past these well, parasites, living here too._**

That night, outside the back of EmperorLand's walls, there was a small makeshift hut. In this hut, there lived a scruffy feathered female gentoo penguin with brown eyes. She awoke from her sleep and walked outside of her house after hearing an unusual noise. She opened the door to see two adolescent penguins, who happened to be Petey and Seymour, riding their skuas in the middle of the night. Petey's skua Deathstroke looked down to the scruffy penguins food supply. The scruffy gentoo was a fish farmer, therefore the skuas Deathstroke and Rappa dove down to pig out on her left out fish. Petey turned to see the scruffy gentoo and said "uh, Seymour. I think we should go now". The gentoo picked up her staff and swung it in their direction, the two penguins taking off on their skuas in fright, Petey's bandage being torn off of his leg due to being stuck on the post. "You'll pay for this!" she shouted as they flew away. She looked at her ransacked produce, muttering "how dare those little brats…bringing their pet parasites…come to _my_ farm, eat _my_ fish. Oh, I'll see about that" to herself as she picked up an old crumpled helmet which she wore to cover her bald spot and putting on a pair of shoes that were made of skua's feet, before draping herself in a cape made of leopard seal skin and walking out of the door.

**_So, yeah. Like_** **_I said the majority._**

The next morning, Winter was on a small platform in the corner of EmperorLand, joined by his wife Natalie and the middle-aged elder Julius. When a voice said "so, Winter Barnes. I bet you have no idea what you've done to us, have you man?". Winter's reaction to this was simply "oh great. Here's messy Amelia with her nag of the hour"

"My fish farm has been ransacked. Yes, that's right, ran-sacked, by those two delinquent teenagers over there!" Amelia the scruffy feathered gentoo said as she pointed to Seymour and Petey, who hid behind their skuas once she had pointed to them. Surprisingly, it was Mumble who had come to their rescue as he stood in front of them and said "look, I know Petey and Seymour over here are a little, well, how do I say this, uh…"

"Handsome" was Petey's suggestion, as "awesome" was Seymour's, Mumble however saying "Immature, from time to time. But you know, even though it's not always, well actually, hardly ever obvious, they mean well. I mean, come on. We might not have stopped Rodan if these guys weren't there."

"Well, maybe if they weren't there your victory wouldn't have come at a price, would it Winter?" Amelia said sarcastically, obviously referring to Winter's childhood friend Patrick, who sacrificed himself to save Mumble from Natalie's skua Boromir, whom Rodan had hypnotised using his grey alpha Whale. Mumble stepped forward and said "hey. It's not their fault that Patrick died. (sigh) It's mine. It's all mine"

"Oh good. Let's just leave it to the dancing freak, shall we?" Amelia said, before adding "I'll be back if this continues, Barnes. And as for you boys" as she turned to Seymour and Petey, "fluffy over there won't be able to protect you forever. And when that day comes, oh-ho you better watch out" before leaving.

That night, Mumble talked to Johnny and Moriarty about what to do about Seymour and Petey's misbehaviour. "We could um...put up signs!" Mumble suggested, only for Moriarty to look up from the small sculpture he was chiseling, saying "signs? For skuas?"

"No for Seymour and Petey!"

"Signs? For those two? Not the best readers you know"

"I know!" Johnny said. "What if we put a big net over Emperor Land?"

"You realise it's our Seymour and Petey right?"

"I know. You're right Andy. It's impossible for those two to be responsible. They have to grow up some time" Johnny concluded. Mumble said "look they mean well. It's just, they're a little well...clumsy really"

Meanwhile, Hellas was working on the sled when Bennet entered the room saying "how's the sled doin'" Hellas answering with "excellent. All I have to do now is sharpen up these front bits" before walking to the rock grinder and turning on the sharpener. Bennet went outside after accidentally spilling some gas on the floor. Hellas noticed the sparks flying from the grinder, but he didn't notice the gasoline. It was only when Aleksei came in that Hellas turned and caused another spark, which landed on the gas and ignited a massive flame, both penguins screaming because of this.

While this happened, Petey and Seymour were sitting on the bench over Emperor Land. Mumble came over and said "hey guys. Look, I'm sorry about what Amelia said. No need to listen to her"

"Ah, she's right. We can't do anything right" Petey said miserably, Mumble answering "oh sure you can. You um...you did a good job in the Penguin Games and uh...um...well I can't think of anything now but, you guys can do things. And if miserable old Amelia can't see that, then she can just go f-

"Fire!" Seymour said, Petey answered "I think he was going to say fu-"

"NO! FIRE!" Seymour repeated. Mumble turned to see Hellas' blacksmith stall ablaze, a distant voice saying "HHEELLPP!"

Mumble joined Johnny, Slink and Bennet at the scene, the latter saying "I just came to ask if my sled was ready. Next thing I know the whole place blows up"

"It has come to my attention that Hellas and Aleksei are indeed still trapped and slowly suffocating to death within the stall. It is all but impossible to get inside to save them without aerial reinforcement" Slink added. Mumble facepalmed and said "oh no" as Petey and Seymour hovered down over the burning shack, Petey saying "I got some rope! You guys grab hold and I'll s-" only for the rope he was holding to drop into the blaze as well. Seymour shouted "it's okay. We're coming in!" Mumble shouting "no! Are you kidd-" without effect as both penguins jumped off of their skuas and into the fiery stall. Petey immediately started choking and coughing, only to realise that breathing the smoke was not yet fatal and walked to where he heard Aleksei's voice. "Is that you, Petey?" Aleksei shouted, Petey saying "for the last time, call me Deadpool!"

Mumble and the others waited outside the shack, awaiting any change in the story. Suddenly, a massive explosion ignited and the stall was blown to bits. Many people gasped when the smoke cleared, and Seymour and Petey walked out with Hellas and Aleksei in tow. Everyone cheered the heroes, only for Amelia to come and say "stop you fools! Can you not remember what these two imbeciles have done to us in the past" Hellas saying "Aye. I do remember. They saved our lives. If you wanny talk your crap to these two, you'll have to have gone through us first!"

After Amelia stormed off in defeat, Hellas said "oh Aleksei. Tell your wee sign language friend he was right" only for Aleksei to answer "I think he knows" as he waved to Julius, who stood on the edge of the cliff watching everything, before he turned and went home.

**CAST**

MUMBLE **ANDREW GARFIELD**

OZCAR **DANE DeHAAN**

KATNISS **JENNIFER LAWRENCE**

JOHNNY **BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH**

MORIARTY **ANDREW SCOTT**

MARSHALL** KRISTEN BELL**

HELLAS **MICHAEL FASSBENDER**

ALEKSEI **PAUL GIAMATTI**

WINTER **SEBASTIAN STAN**

AMELIA **REBECCA ROMIJN**

PETEY **RYAN REYNOLDS**

SEYMOUR **WILL. I. AM**

SLINK **ZACHARY QUINTO**

BENNET **MARK WAHLBERG**


	2. Wrath of Stalin

**Wrath of Stalin**

Julius the Elder looked through his books and sat on his staff, closing his eyes in meditation. He did this daily, as to check whether or not there would be any specific changes in Emperor Land's harmony. When suddenly he saw a vision. A vision of fire, and violence, and three shadows walking from the explosions. Julius awoke in horror. Something was coming to Emperor Land, and it wasn't good.

Meanwhile, Mumble was waiting for Marshall to finish on her gadgets, before saying "anything new about that Black Flipper gang, Anna?"

"Well, there's a small decrease in activity from them. Other than that, negatory Mumble" Marshall answered, provoking a voice to say "wait. Mumble Happy Feet?"

"Yeah" Mumble said as he turned around, quietly saying to himself "oh, good grief" as the voice said "oh my Guin. I haven't seen you in forever"

"(sigh) Hello, Mary. It's been a while" Mumble answered reluctantly as he thought to himself _I don't think 5 penguin years counts as forever_. Mary said "how's the singing been going? I'm guessing you sing like an angel now"

"Uh, no actually. Just as screechey and ear-torturing as ever (sarcastic laughter)"

"(laughs) You always had a sense of humor about you, Mumble" Mary answered. "I'll see you round then" she added before leaving. "Okay. Bye" Mumble responded, waiting for her to go so he could turn around and sigh loudly. "Well, what's with all the sulking? Did you kill your girlfriend too?" Ozcar said sarcastically as he entered. "No actually. It's just Mary from Elementary School. She had this super crush on me. I mean, She's nice enough and all but she's such a pain in the-

"Who's this, Mumble?" Gloria asked, Mumble answering "Mary's back in town"

"Oh Guin, no wonder you're so pissed"

"What's so important about Mary?" Ozcar asked.

"Mary is the most annoying, exhausting, well-meaning-yet-overbearing penguin I have ever met" Mumble answered. Meanwhile, Aleksei sat on his chair outside the stall when Hellas said "oi Aleksei. It's that Julius lad. He wants to talk to you"

Aleksei ran up to Julius' cave saying in sign language _Julius. You summoned me. Is something the matter?_

Julius stepped from his meditation and replied _why would something be wrong for me to want to speak to a friend?_

_So, nothing's wrong?_

_I didn't say that _Julius said as he used his staff to blow out the candles around him. _I have had a vision Aleksei._

_A vision?_

_Stalin shall return._

Aleksei thought and said _impossible. He hasn't been seen in years._

_Nothing is impossible _Julius answered. Aleksei spoke in penguin this time as he said "well, we must prepare ourselves. We have to fortify the valley or evacuate or something"

_A wise master once said that one can meet his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it_ Julius said, pushing the Kung Fu Panda DVD back on the shelf. "Well in all respect Julius. Hellas and I have both lost our homes before and we don't want that to happen again"

_We maybe small in numbers but the connection we share as a family may hold the answer to our problem_

Later on, Mumble was walking around Emperor Land, when he unfortunately heard Mary's voice again. "Hey handsome" she said flirtatiously as she walked over. Gloria sat on an edge to enjoy the show, only to have second thoughts and decide to help Mumble out. Walking down to where they were she said "hey Mary. Long time no see"

"Oh my Guin. Hi Gloria" Mary said, before Gloria said to Mumble "hey you" as she kissed him, Mary being surprised by this. "Oh I didn't know you two were a...

"Oh yeah. Very serious relationship" Gloria lied, Mary saying "oh is that my mom calling? Better go give you some privacy" as she took off. Mumble said "well, thanks for the help Gloria" Gloria saying "anytime Happy Feet. Anytime"

Meanwhile, Julius had assembled his three students, Slink, Bennet and Larry, and said in sign language(translated by Aleksei) _congratulations boys. You have completed your training. Slink, you are a wise leader, with skills that will come in handy many times throughout life. For that I give you this red belt and these ninjato blades._

"Thank you, Master Julius" Slink said as he accepted his belt and weapon, before Julius said _Bennet, you are a cool guy. But your temper can be translated to fit your downfall. For this, I give you this yellow belt and trowels. They are in the alien world used for gardening so, yeah. Go nuts._

"Thank you, Master Julius" Bennet said, as Julius said_ and Larry, you are a butt kicking, rice cake making warrior superstar!_

"Alright, yeah" Larry answered, Julius giving him a black belt and sais. Julius said _now, you will be Emperor Land's best protection against Stalin's wrath, and I believe that together, we can defeat this threat._

It was the next morning that Julius and his students set off to find Stalin, having learnt a lesson from Mumble about not waiting for the bad guy to come to you. It took many hours for them to arrive at a dark, desolate dock. The water around them was littered with wrappers and garbage, including plastic rings from a Guiness six-pack. Larry picked this up and said "look at this. Someone could get this around their neck if they're not careful"

Slink said "quiet Larry. We have to find Stalin before he-

Suddenly a large airship pulled over their heads, a trap door opening and capturing the four with ease. Slink awoke what seemed like hours later and said "Bennet? Larry? Master Julius? Are you there?"

"Slink? Is that you?" Bennet said from a cage on the ceiling. "What are you doing up there, Bennet?"

"We were ambushed by Stalin. We're in his ship"

"Don't worry. I'll get you down" Slink said as he used his ninjato to slice the bars of the cage. As they hit the ground, Bennet said "we've got to find the others before-

Suddenly the doors slammed open and a masked chinstrap penguin wearing a cape strode in. "Excellent" he said. "You've passed your test with flying colors!"

"What test?" Slink asked.

"Your elderly friend Julius knows me as Stalin. But you may call me...uh, well...Stalin too, I suppose. I will give you a chance to drop your weapons and join me"

"We are loyal to Master Julius. We will never betray him!" Bennet shouted. Stalin watched his clock and said "very well. I had a feeling this would happen (whistles)" before the doors on either side of the room opened, one letting in a Fiordland penguin and the other letting in an erect-crested(seriously, look it up) penguin, Stalin shouting "Bangers! Mash! Destroy them!"

"With pleasure, Mr Stalin" the Fiordland penguin answered, as they both charged Bennet and Slink. While the two warriors held their own for a while, Bangers and Mash used two taser-batons to stun their enemies. Meanwhile, back at Emperor Land, Mumble, Hellas and Marshall waited at the front of Emperor Land for the group to return. "It's been two days. They should have been back by now" Marshall said impatiently. "Maybe they were jus' waitin' oot the storm" Hellas said, referencing the snow storm that happened earlier, only for Marshall to say "or maybe they were captured and we need to rescue them!"

Mumble said "we can't just go out there. It's too dangerous" only for a distant voice to say "Mumble? Are you there?"

Knowing that it was Mary, Mumble said "on second thoughts, it's such a beautiful day. Why spend it indoors?"

Later on, Bangers repeatedly pressed the button on the remote, saying "Mr Stalin. The TV is broken!" Stalin coming in and standing next to the large mahogany bookcase, saying "indeed, poor, stupid Bangers. for I have gotten rid of our television. The only channels this bookcase has is channeling knowledge. I believe it is more suited than a box with moving pictures."

"Aw" Mash said, before adding "but what if I want to watch The Walking Dead?"

"Instead, dear Mash, I shall read to you from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein! The original monster story" Stalin said, before Bangers asked "but I like to watch New Girl"

"Well, I'm sure Jane Eyre shall suit your fancy, Bangers. She was quite the new girl" before Mash asked "what if I want to watch Lord of the Rings"

"Instead, I shall read..." Stalin said, only to look at the bookshelf and say "oh, Lord of the Rings"

Suddenly, a loud knocking sound came to the front door of Stalin HQ, Stalin saying "who is it now?"

"I think there's someone at the door, Mr Stalin" Mash said, Stalin shouting "GO ANSWER IT THEN! I don't pay you two to sit around!"

"Actually, you don't pay us at all, Mr Stalin" Bangers said as they went to answer the door. They opened the large metal gate-like doors, revealing Mumble, Hellas and Marshall as Mumble said "hello sirs. So sorry to bother you but we're looking for four penguins who were coming near these parts. Have you seen them?"

"Hold on" Mash said, before turning and shouting "Mr Stalin! Have we seen four penguins that were coming near here?" Stalin answering "of course we have! That's who we captured, you idiots!" Mash turning back to Mumble and repeating Stalin's statement, Marshall saying "okay then. Waataaw!" as she knocked the two thugs aside with her nunchucks, saying "hands in the air dirtba-wait, what? Stalin?"

"Anna? Good Guin, I haven't you since that business back in Ice Vegas"

"Well, this is ppprrreeettttttyyy awkward, then"

"Indeed, it is.(pause) Does your backside still hurt after I gave you ana-

"Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of people I know here, Stalin. No need to mention that"

"Oh right, sorry" Stalin said. After a long awkward silence, Marshall rubbed the back of her neck and said "well, my farts don't make sounds now" before Stalin shouted "now lads!" as Bangers and Mash knocked out Mumble, Hellas and Marshall with their electric batons. Mumble woke up chained in a prison room next to Bennet and Slink, Marshall and Hellas being in cages next to Julius and Larry. Stalin came in and said "oh good. You're all awake"

"Who are you?" Mumble asked. "I am Stalin, as your friends Julius and Anna know already"

"What are you going to do to my friends?"

"Well, you and the Adelie and the three ninja turtles will suffer much less painful deaths than my former mentor(Julius) and ex-girlfriend(Marshall). For you see Happy Feet, years ago I w-

"Is this story going to be boring?" Mumble asked.

"You won't fall asleep at least. Anyway, I was the owner of Stalin's place, the hip new casino in Ice Vegas. I was on the covers of Millionaire monthly and not long after Billionaire bi-monthly. I was young and inexperienced, I was blowing my money in all directions. One night, I met a young female from Chinstrap Land who was willing to go twenty dollars for twenty minutes if you know what I mean"

"It's true! Money is attractive" Marshall answered from her cage. Stalin continued with "after that enjoyable night, the penguin you came to know as Marshall and I had gotten better acquainted. However, sooner or later, the Ice Vegas stock exchange came under attack from feral skuas. I thought not of how this would affect me, until I read something called wikipedia which taught me of my misfortune. I ended up stoney broke. Skint. A washed up has-been. (shivers)Normal. Without my seductive fortunes, Anna broke up with me. And so, I attempted armed robbery. However, my plans were terminated by the mystic known to you as Julius. Mute-voiced, son of a b-" before Julius threw a snowball at the back of his head.

"I suppose since I'm going to kill you anyway Happy Feet, I might as well tell you of how I am here today" Stalin said arrogantly before sitting on a stool next to where Mumble was tied up. "After I was defeated at the hands of the accursed Julius, I was sent to the Adelie Land Penitentiary for the criminally unstable, a rather exaggerated punishment if I say so myself. Anyway, using the brute strength of my two cell mates Bangers and Mash, we escaped"

_(Flashback)_

_The police warden walked into an empty cell._

_John Goodman: alright Stalin. Time to get up and...where the heck are they?_

_Stalin:(narrating) little did he know that Bangers had an old poster from an alien activity referred to as "free Nelson Mandela!"_

_The warden walked up to the poster, and noticed a small shadow behind it. Pulling the poster from the wall, the warden had discovered a long dark tunnel that led to the ocean._

_John Goodman: STALIN!_

_Stalin:(narrating) after our escape, we had arrived on a foreign island and were captured by the natives._

_Stalin, Bangers and Mash were then thrown into pots of stew that were put over a boiling fire, with the natives throwing assorted herbs such as leeks and Garlic in. Stalin dipped his finger inside the stew and had a taste._

_Stalin: hhhmmm...needs a bit more salt._

_(Flashforward)_

"I doubt that you would like to hear the story of how we escaped from that" Stalin concluded, doing so after remembering the time that he, Bangers and Mash found themselves on a raft fighting off killer whales. "And so here, I shall come to Emperor Land, where I will remake my obscene fortunes through fixing the Emperor's water supply.

"What? There's nothing wrong with Emperor Land's water" Mumble said.

"Not yet anyway, but there will be thanks to my Hydro-converter!" Stalin shouted victoriously as Bangers and Mash pulled out a heavy metal cube-shaped machine. Mumble asked "what the fish is that thing?"

"I call it the Hydro-converter. Designed solely to convert water into a liquid of it's user's choice. I plan to change your aqua-devine into little more than measly cooking oil. Bangers, bring forth the testing liquid!"

Bangers then brought in a small beaker of water. Stalin flicked the switch on the side of the machine, causing it to vibrate vigorously, it's nozzle spinning round and round until finally a laser ray shot from the nozzle and onto the water. Seconds later the water was now a small puddle of Extra Virgin.

"So technically it's olive oil, not cooking oil but hey, you say potato, I say...well, I say potato as well. I mean, does anyone say potarto? Seriously, name one person who says potarto, it's no-one!" Stalin said, before adding "well, you get the point. Now, imagine what this little blighter could do to the entire Ross Sea, or the Southern Ocean? Now, while you imagine the possibilities, I shall become the hero of Emperor Land while you guys rot in chains! Ta ta, gentlemen" as he left the room, coming back in and saying "oh and Anna, my deepest regrets that we couldn't make it work"

Before they left, Mash said "so Happy Feet. Would you like a fish? Or the keys? Ha ha! Too bad!" as he put both items on the back of his belt. As he left, Mumble said "lose something?" Mash turning around to see Mumble holding the fish, checking his belt and saying "you are a worthy opponent, Happy Feet" as he left. Once the doors closed, Mumble pulled out the keys, which he also stole from Mash, and unlocked his chains. Julius slammed his staff on the cage bars, Mumble unlocking the other's cages too.

Meanwhile, SHQ flew to Emperor Land, Bangers and Mash pulling up the Hydro-converter. When Bangers lost his footing, causing the machine to drop, Stalin said "careful you fools! Without that machine our plan is finished!"

"Sorry Mr Stalin. We'll always have other plans, though" Bangers said lowly. Suddenly the door was kicked down and Slink, Bennet and Larry entered. "Bangers! Mash! Destroy them!"

"Will do, sir!" Mash said, before he charged the group from the right as Bangers charged from the left. Slink shouted "jump!" as his team mates obeyed, Bangers and Mash crashing into each other as they jumped. "You idiots!" Stalin scolded. Mumble saw the damage and said "looks like that bookcase didn't up their IQs any"

As the battle raged on, Marshall attempted to push away the Hydro-converter, instead pushing it onto it's side, the nozzle facing the ceiling now. Stalin grabbed a long double-ended spear and took his stance. "I got him" Bennet said as he charged Stalin, who sent him to the floor with a swish of his spear. Slink and Larry attacked together, Stalin taking them both down with ease. "Wow, you boys are weak indeed" Stalin mocked, only to stop as he sensed the presence of his nemesis, turning to face Julius as he said "hello, old friend" the latter raising his staff ready for battle, Stalin saying "oh, nice staff. Are you _compensating for something_, Julius?". Stalin screamed as he attacked Julius, who deflected and countered his assaults with swift movements of his staff. Stalin was eventually thrown into the front of the ship, standing up in pain and saying "well, for an old fellow you're agile" as he set his spear on fire and threw it at Julius, who made unusual gestures with his flippers, before catching the burning half of the spear, the sharp object shattering on impact. Mumble's jaw dropped at seeing this, Julius turning back to face his nemesis. The flipper that he had caught the spear with was set on fire, Julius seeing this and simply clenching a fist to put it out. Stalin stepped on the hydro-converter and activated it, saying "you can catch fire, now let's see if you can catch several thousand volts of electricity. As the device readied it's fire, Stalin then realised that the nozzle was facing the ceiling and therefore, him. "Uh oh" Stalin said as he tried to retreat, but he was too late as the machine fired, sending him through the ceiling and into the air screaming all the way. Stalin landed back on the ship, albeit on his back shivering with shock, the volts of the machine drilling through his bones.

Julius looked at the Hydro-converter and activated the self-destruct beacon. Motioning them to the exit, Hellas said "come on now. I wanne live te see me next bert-day!" as they left. Meanwhile, Bangers, Mash and Stalin woke up, Stalin saying "why is the Hydro-converter beeping like that?" as the computer said "60 seconds to self destruct" as the three scrambled to safety. Stalin said "who knows how to disarm a bomb?" Mash putting his hand up saying "I think I can de-

"GO ON THEN! WE HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY!" Stalin shouted in a panic. After about forty seconds the computer said "10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..." before it shut down, Mash said "I did it! I saved us! Tiramisu for everybody, I'm buying!" as they celebrated, only for the blast to go off seconds later.

Julius looked at the explosion and said in sign language _we did__ it. Stalin is defeated_.

As the group celebrated back at Emperor Land, Mumble heard a voice that said "hey hero"

"(sigh) Not Mary again!" Mumble said quietly to himself as she walked up to him saying "I heard about you and the guys up there. Good job, honey"

"Hey Mumble, come here" Aleksei said, Mumble walking over and asking "what is it, Aleksei?" the former simply answering "Ozcar told me everything"

Meanwhile, Gloria walked up to Mary and said "hey Mary, I have something to confess"

"What is it Gloria?"

"Me and Mumble aren't a couple"

"Really. So, he's...available?"

"Well, not if I beat you to him, he isn't"

"Well, may the best penguin win" Mary said playfully as they shook flippers.

Elsewhere on SHQ, a bandaged Stalin sat in his dorm eating fish in the dark, where a lightning bolt struck and a figure entered the room. "You failed me" the voice said, Stalin answering "I suppose the burns and bandages give it away rather easily" with a sarcastic tone in his voice, before adding "what about your plan B? How does that fare?"

"I'm selecting the canditates. You're the first one on the list"

"Good. I'd love another crack at this" Stalin said before another flash appeared and the figure vanished.

**CAST**

MUMBLE

**ANDREW GARFIELD**

MARY

**SHAILENE WOODLEY**

GLORIA

**EMMA STONE**

OZCAR

**DANE DeHAAN**

MARSHALL

**KRISTEN BELL**

STALIN

**TOBY KEBBELL**

JULIUS

**ANDY SERKIS**

HELLAS

**MICHAEL FASSBENDER**

ALEKSEI

**PAUL GIAMATTI**

BANGERS

**JOHN C. REILLY**

MASH

**WILL FERRELL**

SLINK

**ZACHARY QUINTO**

BENNET

**MARK WAHLBERG**

LARRY

**WILL ARNETT**

PRISON WARDEN

**JOHN GOODMAN**


	3. Slash's revenge

**Slash's revenge**

In the distant area of North Gentoo land, a shadow stood at the gate of a large palace-like tower. The figure was the wise bonobo ape Sufos, who wore a purple gold-lined helmet and a golden gauntlet on his left hand, decorated with six different colored gems. A few days beforehand, he had sent a letter to his adopted daughter, whom he had not seen in over a year. He stood and looked at the moonlight saying "oh Anna. I miss you my dear"

When suddenly, he heard a noise. He turned around and saw a masked penguin walking towards him with a bladed hook drawn.

"Who are you?" the ape said as he readied for battle. The penguin, his voice being made much deeper through his mask, answered "your executioner" as he swung his hook in the apes direction, the latter jumping above the blade and countering the attack. The penguin drew several feather-shaped blades from his glove and threw them at Sufos, who deflected them with his gauntlet and kicked the penguin aside, the helmet shattering on impact. He turned around and pulled out a long spear, revealing his broken beak and the scar that ran down his right eye. Sufos gasped as he said "Ivan?"

"You can call me Ivan Extinction!" the penguin said as he swung his spear in the ape's direction, the latter shattering the spear with his gauntlet, the impact knocking Ivan off of his feet. Ivan stood up and wiped the blood from his beak as he said "show-off"

"That is a warning. You are no match for the Ice Gauntlet" Sufos said sternly.

"I couldn't agree more father" a voice said from the shadows. Sufos turned to face this stranger, saying "(gasp) son" to the bonobo ape who added "but they are" before Sufos looked up, only seeing the several armored penguins who descended on him faster than the speed of light. When they finally restrained Sufos, he said "what have you done? I shall not allow this childish assault"

"Childish assau-? Oh silence, you old fool!" the ape said as he struck Sufos across the face, his father now being dazed as he lay on the ground at his son's feet, the left of which was missing it's pinky toe, before adding "throw him into the river. Ensure he does not come back" to his thugs, who tied up Sufos and threw him into the river. Seeing where his father had gone, the other ape said "excellent. We shall find the body and get back the gauntlet. But for now, my sister and I have some unfinished business"

Hours later, Marshall walked up to the hill that let to North Gentoo land, only to see the gates of the palace being locked and bolted by the armored penguins. Marshall grabbed her sword and sneaked around the corner of the palace, several guards being knocked unconscious as she did this. Finally she sneaked in through the window and walked across the beams of the roof. Just then, Sufos' son walked into the room, looking through his father's belongings. Suddenly he heard a sound and turned to face Marshall, who pointed her sword to his neck. With the ape's face being encased in shadow, Marshall said "what'd you do with my father?"

"Dear sister please, drop your sword. Let us talk peacefully" the ape said as he stepped into the light.

"(gasp) Slash! Brother, am I glad to see you" Marshall said as Slash answered "well, with your blade at my throat how can we converse?" prompting Marshall to take her sword away, Slash turning back to face the box of Sufos' belongings. As Marshall asked "where's dad?" Slash picked up an onion and crushed it in front of his eyes before turning back and saying "oh dear sister, it is such a tragedy"

"Why? What happened?"

"Our dear father...is dead" Slash answered. Marshall wiped a tear from her eyes and said "but wait...he wrote me a letter. He can't be dead"

"Well, Anna. I also wish it weren't true" Slash answered as he walked over to a bookcase to secretly grab a knife. He walked behind Marshall and said "you left well...about a year ago, wasn't it? It's a shame. Had you been here to witness his passing the wisdom of our ancestors would be yours. Unfortunately, father passed it onto me before his death"

Marshall was beginning to see through her foster brother's lie, turning and saying "if that's true, then show me the gauntlet" as Slash said "the gauntlet?"

"Yes. Show it to me" Marshall ordered again, Slash turning to grab the knife saying "yes. I have the gauntlet" before spinning around and slashing Marshall across the flipper. Marshall gripped her injured limb and kicked Slash into the wall, the latter ringing a bell to summon his thugs. Seeing herself outnumbered, Marshall grabbed her sword and jumped out of the window, landing in the rapidly flowing river below. Seeing where she had gone, Slash said "excellent. With Anna and my father out of the way, who can stop me now?"

The next morning, Larry stood in his kitchen making his signature rice cakes. When he had completed his old recipe he flung them onto a tray and brought them to the table outside of the house he shared with Slink and Bennet. It was 11:58 on Monday, and at 12:00 noon every Monday his master Julius would come for some of his favorite food. It had been a tradition of there's for about a year(five penguin years) now, and Larry always loved spending time with his mentor.

"Ah, rice cakes. Straight from the oven. Yummy-liscious" Larry said before the gate flew open and Julius came into the patio. Only now he held in his arms an unconscious Sufos, saying in sign language _Larry, I need your help_

"Who, and more importantly what, the heck is that!?" Larry asked in a panic. _This is Sufos of North Gentoo land. He is injured and needs help_ Julius answered as he lay the ape on the table. Larry asked "what do we do with him?" before Sufos suddenly woke up screaming "Slash! Anna! Rraagghh!" as Julius calmed him down saying _it is alright, old friend. You are safe_, as Sufos said "Master Julius. Oh, am I glad to see you my friend"

_What has happened to you?_

"My son Slash has returned. I must get back to the palace at once. He will kill my daughter!"

Just then Mumble came in saying "hey Larry. Julius. Do you have any of those rice cakes left? See, Mary's allergic to them, so I'm thinking if I can make that into a spray then I can-what the?"

"Close the gates" Larry said, Mumble answering "you sound like Chrysta when you say that" as he locked and bolted the gates. Larry went back inside and came out with ten of the twenty rice cakes he had made, saying "here you go, Mad Titan" to Sufos as he handed him the plate.

Meanwhile, Slash stood over the tower, watching the river sweep through Gentoo land, before Ivan returned saying "my lord. We have scouted the river edge. No sign of your father or sibling"

"And the gauntlet?"

"If you are to find it you will give me my bounty"

"Our deal was that you brought me the gauntlet and I would bestow upon you your prize. And I suggest you honor our agreement" Slash answered harshly.

Back at Emperor Land, Larry asked "so, why did your son try to kill you?" Sufos answering "it was many years ago"

_(FLASHBACK)_

_In the outskirts of Gentoo land, a small Chinstrap egg lay under a rock. A young bonobo ape lifted the rock and found the egg._

**Sufos:** One cold winter's night, I found an egg. The hatchling's parents had been killed after an attack from feral skuas. Realizing that life still existed within the egg, I took in this young creature. When it hatched, I named the young girl Anna, after my deceased mate. During childhood, Anna grew up in my palace of wisdom, where she developed an inseparable bond with my son Slash, who was originally first in line to inherit the power of the Ice gauntlet, a powerful weapon that had been in my family for generations. The gauntlet was powered by six gems of infinite destruction.

_One year after finding the egg,_ _Sufos used the power of the gauntlet to clear the clouds from the sky, Anna and Slash looking up in awe at their father's actions. Once he had finished his demonstration, Slash said "that was fantastic dad"_

_"It is a power that has been passed down from my father and from his father before him. And one day my son, this power shall be yours too" Sufos said before leaving. Slash looked and said "I can't wait until I get to wield that power" Anna saying "that'll be awesome, Slash. It's your destiny"_

Sufos: As Slash worked hard over the years to impress me, Anna believed in him. She often spoke to him of how successful he could be with the gauntlet, saying he was destined for greatness. But it was never enough for Slash. He wanted the gauntlet, and he couldn't wait until his coming of age.

_"This is the day, Slash!" Anna said as they walked up to the temple._

_"I know. I can't wait to finally get the gauntlet" Slash said arrogantly._

**Sufos:** When Anna and Slash were both in their late teens, the day had come for Sufos to bestow his will upon the worthy one. Slash was brash and excited, but Sufos saw darkness in his son's heart and refused, instead promising the gauntlet to Anna.

_Slash couldn't believe it. The power that had been promised to him since birth was instead given to his sister. Anna tried to reject the gauntlet, saying "dad no. This isn't right I-" before Sufos left. Slash looked at Anna, waiting for her to stop their father and change his mind, but she simply stared back. She opened her beak to talk, only for Slash to storm out of the room after knocking over a statue and clawing the door with his three-toed foot._

Outraged by my favouritism and his sister's "betrayal", Sufos distanced himself from Anna, the latter becoming upset at her foster sibling's resentment. Attempting to make it up to him, Anna left the palace for Ice Vegas, where she took my mate's maiden name Marshall and worked as a prostitute on the streets.

_Marshall wore tight shorts and a bikini bra as she stood on a street ledge next to her new friend, another hooker named Fantine who wore similar clothing, before a cart pulled up and a voice said "I'll take the one on the right" Marshall saying "once again, Fantine. I'll be back in an hour" before getting in the cart as it took off, Fantine shouting "see you later" as it left._

**Sufos:** Anna loved Slash more than she had loved anyone before

_Thirty minutes later, Marshall got up while the male chinstrap she had slept with was in the bathroom. His voice said "so, how much do I owe you?" Marshall saying "twenty bucks for twenty minutes remember(see chapter 2 for more details)"_

**Sufos:** Or since.

_(FLASH-FORWARD)_

"So, this Ice gauntlet. Why would Slash want that?" Larry asked.

"Slash needs the gauntlet to exact his revenge upon me and Anna. And then he will take Antarctica for himself. We must find the gauntlet before Ivan can find it"

"Ivan?"

"Yes. Ivan Extinction. A merciless assassin who goes by a strict method. Kill first and ask questions later. Slash has tasked him with killing me and retrieving the gauntlet"

"Sounds like one bad mother-ow!" Mumble said before being hit over the head by Julius' staff. Larry then asked "where is the gauntlet?"

"Somewhere near the sea where I fell. I must find it before Ivan can retrieve it"

"We'll go. Won't we, Mumble" Larry said confidently.

While Julius stayed put to guard Sufos, Mumble and Larry went to find the gauntlet. Finding themselves over the river, Mumble saw a glowing gold light and said "over there" as he ran to it. Picking it up, he said "this is it. This is the Ice gauntlet. With this, Sufos can stop Sla-aaaaahhhhh" as he was suddenly struck from behind with a dart. The dart injected a liquid into his veins, as Mumble suddenly fell to the floor like a fish. He couldn't move a single muscle in his body. Mumble turned his head all he could and saw a large metal ship approaching. From it stepped an armored penguin covered in scars and missing half his beak. "I feel sorry for you, Happy Feet. The emperors owe you their lives but they outcast you like a circus freak"

"Who...are you?" Mumble stuttered weakly.

"I am Ivan Extinction. And I am here to bring you to my master"

"Master?"

"We all have to answer to someone" Ivan said as a net picked up the injured Mumble and threw him into the ship. As it took off, Larry shouted "Mumble! I'm coming!" as he grabbed onto the side of the ship. Larry quickly jumped into the bay as the ship submerged into the sea and disappeared.

_To be continued..._


	4. Slash's revenge-Part II

**Slash's revenge-Part II**

Hours later, Mumble woke up in a dark cell. The room was pitch black and he heard many unusual noises surrounding him. He was in Ivan's ship, and he was a prisoner. Suddenly, bright lights filled the room. A voice said "good. You're awake"

"Ivan! What do you want with me?" Mumble said, before looking around and seeing the thousands of creatures that were imprisoned in cages. "What is this place?"

"This is my collection. Taken from all over the world. I take pride in capturing the most endangered species of the earth. Of course, they're not really endangered until they meet me"

"Yeah well, Emperor penguins aren't endangered buddy. I've no use to you"

"Oh no, Happy Feet. You're not here for my collection. I answer to a higher power, and that power wants you back"

"Power?" Mumble asked.

"My bankroller, you might say"

"You're not answering any of my questions!"

"All in good time, Mumble" Ivan said. Suddenly, the ship skidded to a halt as Mumble asked "what happened?". Then, the doors opened and Slash, accompanied by several soldiers, said "you have your prize. Now bring me mine!"

"As you wish" Ivan said as he gave Slash the gauntlet, the latter putting the golden trinket onto his hand. "Yes, finally. Now the power of the Ice Gauntlet is mine!" Slash shouted before turning around and blasting a glacier to bits with but a flick of his wrist. "Why are you doing this? What did Anna ever do to you?" Mumble said sternly.

"She took the power I wanted! I deserved! Father always loved her more than his own son. And now the old coward is where he belongs. Dead in the river!"

"N-right yeah" Mumble lied.

"And so yes, Ivan. You've got what you want. I have what I want. You can leave now"

As they spoke, Mumble heard a voice say "hey kid"

"Larry. How'd you get in here?"

"The same way I'm getting you out" Larry said as he picked up the cage that Mumble was in and darting for the ship's helipad. While this happened, Ivan activated the ship again and it set off. Larry opened Mumble's cage and said "hey kid. What do we do?"

Mumble looked down and saw the sea, shouting "we jump. Now!" as they both leaped from the edge, landing in the sea as the ship submerged. When the ship was gone, Mumble said "alright, what's the plan?"

"we're not staying up there with Ronan the Accuser, that's for sure" Larry answered. "Let's get back to Julius!"

"Wait, what? We can't just leave, Larry. If Slash has the gauntlet then all of Antarctica is finished!"

"Why is that our problem"

"Maybe because we live here!"

Larry thought about this for a moment and said "(sigh) okay. Geez"

Meanwhile, back on Ivan's ship, the latter was talking to someone on a transmission line.

"He got away!?" the female voice on the other end of the transmission shouted furiously.

"I don't know how but yes!" Ivan answered. "I ask that you take this seriously"

"The only thing I don't take seriously is you! You bore me with excuses when you could be getting him back! When this ends, I'll have a penguin skin hanging on my wall, and I don't care who's!"

"Yes, ma'am" Ivan said spitefully as he cut the transmission. Back on land, Mumble and Larry were walking back to Emperor Land when Mumble saw something. "Larry, look over there"

"It's Anna. Anna, are you okay" Larry asked as the barely-breathing Marshall coughed and said "where am I...Dad...Slash"

"Your dad's safe. Master Julius is protecting him"

"Slash. The ice gauntlet. I have to get th-ow!" Marshall said as she clutched her still bleeding flipper. Larry helped her to her feet and said "come on. Let's get back to Julius"

When they arrived, Julius was waiting for them as he said _finally. It's about time you found her. Any sign of the gauntlet?_

"Yeah, we missed you too, Julius" Larry said as they dragged Marshall through the door, the former facepalming at his response. Sufos opened his eyes and said "it cannot be. My dear Anna. It has been too long"

"Dad? Oh my Guin, are you okay?" Marshall asked as Julius helped her onto a chair while he bandaged her flipper. "I couldn't get the gauntlet Dad. I'm sorry. And now Slash is gonna break all hell loose in Antarctica" Marshall said sadly. "Don't worry about that now. We'll think of something" Sufos answered.

Meanwhile, Slash was waiting for his scouts to return, one of them saying "we've checked everywhere, my Lord. Neither sign of your father or sister"

"Curses. Well, I suppose I'll have to pull some of my strings in Emperor Land"

Back at Emperor Land, Larry had just finished making some more rice cakes when the door blew down and several armed penguins surrounded them. Larry looked around and said "gee, and I thought insurance salesmen were pushy!"

"Kill them all, except the hairy one!" the leader said. Mumble could recognize that voice anywhere. "Amelia?"

"Yes, you fluffy feathered freak. It is I" Amelia answered as she stepped forward.

"A long time ago, Emperor Land was perfect. Everyone was who they were chosen to be. No one tried to be independent, and the freaks stayed in hiding. Then one day, it all went to pot"

"How?"

"You were born. Mumble, once you opened your beak to sing, all the outcasts decided 'hey, I have an idea. Let's not live in shame anymore and make something of ourselves". And that's how the freaks decided to do things. To stand up for themselves. Coming out of hiding and poisoning my perfect world! All of you being freaks and proud of it. Whether you can't sing(Mumble) talk(Julius) or even if you weren't even raised by penguins(Marshall), you're all the scourge that's tearing Emperor Land apart today. And that's why I'm going to eradicate you from existence!"

"Yeah, how can one penguin do that?" Marshall asked.

"I'm glad you asked. See, turns out the master of the Ice gauntlet would like to talk to you and your father. I've been tasked with delivering you to him, and in return he will use his magic trinket to deliver to the outcasts their punishments! Of course, I'll just take joy in killing these three themselves"

_My name is Julius, and I say we're leaving. Now!_ Julius said as he pushed over the guards surrounding them as the five ran for the exit. Amelia then grabbed a spear and threw it at the gate, which fell down and buried them in rubble. After searching through the wreckage, Amelia's thugs found Sufos and Julius, before tying them up as Amelia said "leave the others to suffocate. We must bring these two to Slash at once. And take his stick away from him"

As Amelia left, a guard tried to take away Julius' staff, the latter saying _you wouldn't separate a feeble penguin from his walking stick, would you?_

After the guardss had carried off their prisoners, Marshall, Mumble and Larry finally managed to escape from the debris. Marshall said "they got my dad!"

"And Julius. We gotta save them" Larry added.

"We can't. Slash is too strong for me. He's basically Superman on steroids without the gauntlet"

"But we can't just give up now"

Marshall looked to the floor. She then turned back and said "(sigh) if I do this, then I'm probably gonna die. And that's a risk I'm willing to take. Now let's go save Antarctica!"

Meanwhile, Ivan contacted his client, who said "what do you want now? You've wasted enough of my time already!"

"I have located Happy Feet. And now I shall recapture him"

"Well, do whatever you have to do. In the parcel I sent is a new drug I'm testing. It is a mixture of the venoms of some of the most dangerous creatures in the world. A cobra, tarantula, platypus and a blue ringed octopus"

"What will it do?"

"That's for you to find out" the client answered as she cut the transmission.

That night, Slash sat on his father's throne, wearing the gauntlet. When suddenly the door slammed open and several soldiers came in, the leader saying "my Lord. We have your father" as they carried a restrained Sufos and Julius into the room. Slash stood up and said "well, well, well. Father, so nice of you to visit"

"Slash, have you gone mad? The gauntlet enhances it's user's strongest feelings. You cannot use it with anger in your heart, you will not be able to control it"

"And who's fault is that?" Slash snapped back as he clenched his armored fist, the gauntlet causing a lightning storm which tore a hole in the temple over a pile of sharp icicles. "Now, as the bearer of the Ice gauntlet I sentence you to death!"

The soldiers picked up Sufos and walked over to the edge of the spikes, chanting "Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga, Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga Ooga-Chaka, Ooga-Ooga, Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga" when suddenly a voice shouted "stop" as Marshall jumped from the beam. "Anna. No. It can't be. I killed you!" Slash shouted angrily. "Sure you(winces) slowed me down but...no. Not dead quite yet" Marshall answered as she gripped her bandaged flipper.

"Well, sorry the room's a mess but I didn't know you were coming. But you must know, the pressures that come with bearing the gauntlet...

"Are no longer yours. Hand it over, Slash"

"I would love to do that but, well. You see these guys" Slash said as he pointed to his soldiers who were armed at the ready. "They think the gauntlet belongs to me"

"Well we don't" Mumble said as he came through the door, Larry tripping over as he followed, getting up as he said "yeah, Anna's the rightful owner"

"It's your choice, Slash. Stand down, or fight!"

"Well, it always has to end in violence, doesn't it? And what's this. The great Mumble Happy Feet gracing us with his presence"

"Oh that's just fantastic, isn't it? You're not even a penguin and you know!" Mumble ranted.

"No!" Amelia shouted as she stormed over to Slash saying "Ivan was supposed to get rid of him. You didn't respect the bargain. Flippers, attack them!" as her thugs charged Mumble and Larry, Julius quickly breaking free of his bonds and knocking their attackers to the ground with a swish of his staff.

"Idiots! I told you to take the staff off him!" Amelia snapped. Marshall attacked Slash and knocked the gauntlet off of his hand, the two siblings struggling to get to it first. Suddenly, the front of the temple was torn apart by Ivan's ship, the latter jumping out armed with a knife saying "right. I've got things to collect. I've got a quota to fill. And that quota is you, Happy Feet. Dead or alive!"

"Come and get me" Mumble said as he picked up a sword from the armory, barely being able to stand up as he held it. Ivan charged him and swung his knife, Mumble closing his eyes as he put up his sword to deflect the attack. When he opened his eyes he was only holding the handle, Ivan's attack having shattered the blade beforehand. Mumble laughed in fear and said "good help's hard to find these days, huh?", Ivan holding up his gun, which was loaded with the venom mixture, saying "I don't know what this will do. It will probably kill you" as he fired the shot. Mumble quickly backflipped, dodging the casket as it hit Amelia instead. Amelia screamed as the virus entered her bloodstream. Soon her feathers began to fall out while her eyes became a bright shade of yellow, causing her to grow small fangs as she looked at Mumble saying "you! Look what you've done to me!" as she attacked him. Mumble soon found himself pinned against a wall with Amelia's flippers wrapped around his throat. Marshall threw Slash to the ground and saw Amelia, saying "what the hell is that thing!?" prompting the latter to attack Marshall, who dodged out of the way just in time for Slash to get up, the latter being thrown off of the edge and hanging onto the spikes while Amelia fell to the ground unconscious. Slash tried to pull himself up saying "Anna. Sister. Help me"

"Why should I help you" Marshall said as she stood over him.

"Come on now, you're not a murderer. You wouldn't kill your own brother"

"No. I'm not you, Slash" Marshall answered as Sufos grabbed the Ice Gauntlet. Marshall grabbed Slash's arm and pulled him up, before saying "now go before I change my mind" and turning around. Slash said "as you wish" while he pulled out a knife from his belt, Mumble saying "Anna look out!" as Slash stabbed his adopted sister in the lower back, Marshall screaming in pain as Sufos said "Anna!" before swishing his armored hand, the force knocking Slash off balance and causing him to fall back off the edge. Marshall turned around and said "Slash! No!" as she looked down to where he had fallen. Sufos comforted his daughter saying "it's for the best, my dear" as they turned to see Amelia getting up and rubbing her head. Ivan saw Sufos wielding the gauntlet and said "we shall meet again, Happy Feet!" before running out the door. Amelia said "alright. Put 'em up!" before Julius hit her over the head with his staff, saying job well done, before turning to Larry and saying _Larry, time for you to make some rice cakes and celebrate._

A few days later, at the Adelie Land Penitentiary for the Criminally unstable, as Amelia sat in her cell looking in a mirror, the door opened and a penguin wearing a hat strode into the room, his face being covered by shadow as he said "leave us" to the guard, who closed the door and left them in. Amelia asked "you've made progress?"

"I've selected several worthy candidates. Now that Happy Feet is involved we'll need to rethink our strategies"

"Oh, I'm counting on that" Amelia answered as she looked in the mirror, the shadowed penguin saying "speaking of progress, you're looking better. I see the effects of Ivan's serum wore off"

"It comes and goes" Amelia said as her eyes briefly flashed yellow. "Tell me more. How's that child of yours"

"Stalin has already failed me once. He fails to realize how small a part he truly plays in the plan. He's a puppet tangled in his own strings"

"Strings, you say? Hm" Amelia chuckled.

"How many recruits did you have in mind?"

"Just keep it small. Quality is better than quantity"

"As you wish" the shadowed penguin said as he left. In the dark, abandoned Wolfsworth factory(see Happy Feet 0.5 chapter 30), the penguin pressed the entry button, a voice saying "vocal confirmation procedure required" the penguin answering "Nortlu Reddington" this prompting the door to open with the computer voice saying "Welcome, Mr Reddington" as the penguin stepped into the weapons bay, observing the vast arsenal of swords, guns and various other machines. Reddington looked around and smiled as he said "(chuckles) this is going to be fun"

**CAST**

MUMBLE

**ANDREW GARFIELD**

LARRY

**WILL ARNETT**

JULIUS

**ANDY SERKIS**

SUFOS

**JOSH BROLIN**

MARSHALL

**KRISTEN BELL**

SLASH

**LEE PACE**

IVAN

**TOM HARDY**

AMELIA

**REBECCA ROMIJN**

NORTLU REDDINGTON

**JAMES SPADER**


	5. A Christmas story

On the night of Christmas Eve, Bangers and Mash smiled while they began to decorate their small Christmas tree. When suddenly Stalin barged into the room and slumped up to his bedroom in exhaustion. "Merry Christmas, Mr Stalin" Bangers said happily, before Stalin answered with "do not talk about that dreaded holiday Bangers, you know I despise Christmas!"

"How can you say bah humbug to the holiday?"

"I did not say bah humbug Mash, but I'll say it now. About this conversation. Bah Humbug!" Stalin answered before closing the door. That night, as he slept, Stalin heard a noise from in front of him. Opening his eyes slightly, he saw a ghostly white figure. This silhouette seemed to resemble the late Cliff Wolfsworth, and so Stalin was sure that he was dreaming, before going back to sleep in his chair. But the ghost would not stand for this, and so he awoke the sleeping penguin by saying:

**Cliff:** _Wake up, Scrooge! I'm about to take a dickens of a dump_  
><em>on this lonely, homely, little miserable grump.<em>  
><em>I'm like a star on a Christmas tree, you're like the stump!<em>  
><em>I'm not known for my heart but you're still getting trumped!<em>

_You remind me of my sister in a bikini, because you disgust me._  
><em>Keep your cray-Z from Bangers and Mash away from me, don't even touch me.<em>  
><em>I don't shake hands. I don't make fans.<em>  
><em>I ruin penguins faster than Arctic lands.<em>  
><em>Even Jay-Z'd know what a pimp I am!<em>  
><em>I got my name on the front of the business, man!<em>

_My raps will haunt you and make you think that you're going insane._  
><em>You're about to get whooped by three MCs, of the ethereal plane.<em>  
><em>So when your clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain.<em>  
><em>Cause I'm out, I got my own fishing problems. Call me 2-chainz!<em>

**Stalin:**_ How dare you disturb me when I'm napping in my chair._  
><em>You're a crappy rap spitting apparition, I ain't scared<em>  
><em>Of some random phantom, haunt all you want, I don't care<em>  
><em>I do not believe in ghosts and I don't believe that hair!<em>

**Petey:** _Don't panic, Stalin, but you're about to crash._  
><em>It's me Petey, the ghost of bad dude's past.<em>  
><em>I'll knock your face back to your Hitler mustache!<em>  
><em>Cause I owned Rodan's army, and I run these tracks!<em>

_You got dumped on a bench, now you're pissed at the world._  
><em>You shoulda done it like Chrysta,<em>  
><em>and kissed the girl!<em>

_Cause your greed is the curse what's gonna tear you apart_  
><em>What good is a purse, when you're poor in your heart.<em>

**Stalin:** _Bah humbug!_  
><em>Your rhymes don't unnerve me! They're atrocious!<em>  
><em>What frightens me the most is your eye-sore myosis!<em>  
><em>Evil and success, that's the life I've selected.<em>  
><em>So enough with your nonsense from the past, I'm not affected!<em>

**Bangers:** _But you're about to be, right now!_  
><em>I am the ghost of what's right now!<em>

_Just take a lesson from this-lin!_  
><em>You're missing the point Mr Sta-lin!<em>

_Just put some friends on your wish-list._  
><em>Cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas.<em>  
><em>If you did then you would at this moment<em>  
><em>be sharing your money with some of the homeless!<em>

**Stalin:** _Ah! This isn't happening._  
><em>Argh, this is maddening agony-wait, actually!<em>

_Harkening back to the dead Clifford's lecture I still am expecting a final specter!_

_**Moriarty:** Boo! (Stalin screams)_

_You're going to die!_

_No one to love you and no one to cry!_

_Alone by yourself on the bed of your death with a stench of regret on your last dying breath_

_Cause you've chosen the life of a selfish man!_

_With plenty of innocent blood on your hands!_

_The penance you pay for the way you behave is written as plain as the name on this grave!_

**Stalin:** _But are these the shadows of things that will be?_  
><em>Or things that may be only?<em>

_If I depart from this course, can they change?_

_Say it is thus with what you show me._

_I promise to mend my ways!_  
><em>A friend to all men is what I will become!<em>

_It's Christmas! I haven't missed my chance to be different. God bless us everyone!_

**A Christmas Story**

Mumble walked into the LOFAO house where Moriarty was carving a block of ice into a sculpture of a Christmas tree. Mumble brought in a box that Johnny had asked him to get. "Johnny?" he called to no answer, before adding "I brought you those things you wanted. Jo-

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MUMBLE!" Johnny shouted through a microphone, the amplifiers knocking Mumble off of his feet. Johnny helped him up and said "sorry about that. Just testing my new amplifiers that I'm putting up for Christmas"

"Well, they work, that's for sure" Mumble said as he rubbed his ears in pain. Suddenly the doors slammed open and Marshall stormed into the room, kicking over Moriarty's Christmas tree as she entered.

"Oy! I worked hard on that!" Moriarty shouted angrily, only to look away when Marshall gave him an dangerously furious glare before going up the stairs. "What's up with her?" Mumble asked. "Is it that time of the month already?"

"No dear boy. Anna just despises Christmas"

"Hates Christmas? Who doesn't like Christmas?"

"He just told you who" Moriarty said as he picked up the tree. "She's just upset because it was this time of the year when she broke up with you-know-who"

"Well, maybe it's for the better. Remember the presents she used to get us" Johnny said.

_(Two years ago)_

**Johnny:** Oh, a picture. Of you. So nice.

_(The year before that)_

**Moriarty:** A dry cleaning bill?

_(The year before that)_

Johnny opened the box that Marshall had given him, only for a bowl of fish-heads to catapult from the box and hit him in the face as Marshall laughed.

_(Present day)_

"Oh well. Suppose you're right" Moriarty said. Meanwhile, Garner and Victor walked through the valley talking about the holidays, while Petey sang his own Christmas song to advertise "Petey's House of Fish restaurant" his song went a little like this.

**Petey: **_Hark the herald angel sings,_

_half price off our chicken wings._

_Fish-heads too, for everyone,_

_now with added sodium_

Garner said "I wonder what we should get Anna this year"

"I have a clue"

"What is it?"

"Nothing! I'm not getting another unwanted gift for that stuck up hooker. Remember last year?"

_(FLASHBACK)_

_Merry Christmas to one and all _Julius said in sign language, though at this point no one could understand him yet. Marshall sat on a chair excitedly saying "come on guys. Give over the presents"

"My good friend Anna" Garner said as he presented a box-shaped present to her, this being a present from both him and Victor. "Please accept this humble gift as a token of our appreciation of your friendship"

As he spoke, just Marshall's facial expressions showed that she was bored of his speech, as Garner continued "I know I speak for both of us when I say th-

"Just give it to me!" Marshall snapped as she took the box from his flippers, tearing the paper vigorously before seeing what it was. "A storybook?"she said with disappointment. "You call that a present. (annoyed sigh) I hope you have something better for me, Julius"

Julius answered _of course_ as he sat on a piano and began playing Beethoven's fifth. Marshall simply said "what is THAT supposed to be?"

Julius answered _a small piece. Beethoven's fifth_.

"(disturbed shiver) I hate it. That stuff is gloomy as fish!"

_(FLASH-FORWARD)_

Julius awoke from his meditation and went to his door where he heard a knocking. He opened it, only to stand back in shock.

"Merry Christmas, old nemesis" Stalin said happily, only to have Julius' staff push him by his neck and pin him to the ground. "Wait! Wait! Hey, wait!" Stalin shouted as he pulled out a white sheet, waving it in the air as Julius pressed his staff to his throat. Julius noticed this surrender and lowered his weapon, saying _why are you here, you petty criminal?_

"You ever heard of the Christmas truce of 1914? Cause you look old enough to have been there!" Stalin said before clicking his flipper in an oh-snap-I-got-you-there-bitch fashion. _What about it?_ was Julius' response. "I'm saying that I offer peace at this time of good will. After all, it's Christmas day. December 25th. Peace on Earth, right?" Stalin answered as he held out his flipper. Julius thought for a moment, before shaking his flipper in agreement.

Later on, Mumble was waiting in Hellas' forge when Ozcar said "hey Mumble. I need your help!"

"Sure, what is it Ozcar?"

"Well, it's Christmas, and Katniss says she can't wait to see what I'm getting her"

"So?"

"So, I haven't gotten her anything yet!"

"Well, you're in a pickle then" Mary said from behind Mumble, the latter falling off of his seat in surprise. Once he picked himself up, Mumble said "for Guin's sake, Mary! Don't do that!" turning around and looking at her. Mary was wearing a tight green sleeveless shirt and a green fedora on her head. Mumble asked "who the fish are you supposed to be?"

"You can call me thirsty" Mary said as she fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously. Just then Marshall stormed in and pushed over another of Moriarty's Christmas trees, this one falling on top of Mary. Mumble looked and saw her flipper protruding from under the tree, before he heard her voice say "uh, Mumble. Baby, can you give me a flipper please?"

"Sure" Mumble said, before grabbing Rodan Gizzardcrusher's discarded prosthetic and handing it to her, saying "here you go" as he ran off.

Meanwhile, Bangers, Mash and Stalin sat on a couch opposite Julius, Slink and Bennet. All six were silent and drinking from small glasses of water with plain facial expressions, Julius' face being the least happy of them. Stalin cleared his throat and said "(ahem) so, nice weather we're having" to complete silence, before adding "we'll be having a white Christmas then" as he sipped his water. Looking at his drink, he said "h-hm, reminds me of the time when I almost turned Emperor Land's water into extra virgin, eh Julius?" only for the latter to lose his cool and start attacking Stalin with his staff, Bennet and Slink attempting to calm him down. When Julius was finally pulled off of Stalin, the latter said "hey, if we're going to celebrate this Xmas truce, then he has to STOP with the violence, alright!"

Back in the forge, Hellas sat with a beverage that he referred to as "Guiness" while Aleksei drank a sloppy, yellowish drink. "What is that, Aleksei?" Hellas asked.

"I call it egg-nog" Aleksei answered. "I have composed this tasty beverage of sugar, nutmeg and the main event, raw eggs"

"You bloody cannibal!" Hellas said sharply, before Marshall came into the room and said "gimme some of that!" to Aleksei, who handed her a glass and the bottle of eggnog, only for Marshall to throw the glass aside and slurp it down from the battle. When she put it back, Aleksei said "well, whole bottle of homemade eggnog in one gulp. That's a new Christmas recor-

"Oh shut up!" Marshall snapped before storming out of the room. Hellas said "must be that time of the month again"

Later on, Stalin was talking to a much calmer Julius about the holiday, when suddenly Bangers and Mash came over.

**Mash:** _Mr Stalin?_

**Bangers:** _Do you wanna build a sn-_

"NO!" Stalin snapped. "My Guin, what could be worse. I'll need another three ghosts to get me to like that song!"

**Bangers+Mash:** _Okay bye._

Meanwhile, Garner and Victor were helping Moriarty to redecorate his Christmas tree sculpture. Victor was whistling a tune as he added the ice ornaments.

**Victor: **_The moon is bright,_

_The spirits, up,_

_We're here tonight,_

_and that's_

**Garner: **_Simply having a wonderful Christmas time_

_Simply having a wonderful Christmas time._

**Moriarty: **_The party's on_

_The feeling's here_

_That only comes_

_This time of year_

**Johnny:**_ Simply having a wonderful Christmas time_

_Simply having a wonderful Christmas time_

Their fun was soon cut short when Marshall came in, even angrier than before, as she said "listen closely. I'm not having a wonderful Christmas time. I don't wish it was Christmas everyday. I don't want to deck any halls with boughs of holly. So if you don't mind, I just want to have a silent night!" before walking out again. The four looked around, before resuming their carolling.

Stalin then said "why don't we try some Christmas carols. That ought to bring some Christmas cheer, right?"

"Sure" Slink answered, Bennet saying "why not"

"Right. I'll start off" Stalin said as he cleared his throat.

**Stalin:**_ Snow is falling._

_All around you_

_children playing, having fun._

_It's the season, of love and understanding,_

_Merry Christmas, everyone!_

**Mash: **_Time for parties and celebration,_

_People dancing all night long,_

**Bangers:** _Time for presents, a__nd exchanging kisses,_

_Time for singing Christmas songs._

**Bennet:**_ We're gonna have a party tonight,_

_I'm gonna find that girl underneath the mistletoe_,

"Hey" Marshall shouted angrily. "Stalin?"

"Oh, hello, my dear"

"What the hell are you doing here!?"

"You know, World War One. 1914. Christmas truce? Is this ringing anyone's bells? Oh well, see. We thought since it's the time of peace on Earth and good will to all men that we put aside our disagreements for the day. It's all in the small print of the whole arch-nemesis contract. Come December 26th, we are back to our own ways. I'm even armed for when it happens(pulls out loaded gun)"

"So, you're not gonna hurt anyone till Boxing day, is that it?" Marshall asked.

"Well, Julius is resisting our tempting traditions as much as I am so, yes"

Marshall rolled her eyes and left, before Stalin said "must be that time of the month again. Oh yes, Julius. I brought you a present" as he handed him a box. Julius opened it and saw a small, smelly fruitcake, Stalin saying "I made it myself. Well, Bangers and Mash helped. Well, they made it, I supervised. In spirit, I was in the bathroom. Diarrhea, you know what it's like, but anyway. Here is my present"

Julius opened it and asked _what is it?_

"It's a photo album. Of all the great times we've had" Stalin answered as Julius looked at all the pictures, the majority of which featured Stalin being beaten by Julius. Thank you Stalin Julius said, before pulling out a carton and giving it to Stalin, who asked "is this that Aleksei's eggnog thing?" to which Julius nodded. "When I drink this I go a little crazy you know. Watch this" Stalin said as he drank the entire carton in under 20 seconds, saying "when I'm on a sugar rush I can do this...

**Stalin: **_Uh, summa lumma dooma lumma you assuming I'm a human_

_What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman_

_Innovative and I'm made of rubber, so that anything you say is_

_Ricochet in off a me and it'll glue to you_

_And I'm devastating more than ever demonstrating_

_How to give a motherfishin' audience a feeling like it's levitating_

_Never fading, and I know that haters are forever waiting_

_For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating_

_'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated_

_I make elevating music_

_You make elevator music_

The entire group applauded Stalin, who bowed thankfully and said "thank you all. Thank you, I'm here all week. Here, hand me that sax"

**Stalin:**_ my daddy was a bankrobber_

_but he never hurt nobody_

_he just loved to live that way_

_and he loved to steal your money_

_some is rich, and some is poor_

_that's the way the world is_

_but i don't believe in lying back_

_sayin' how bad your luck is_

Later on, everyone was gathered at the LOFAO house, where Johnny said "Merry Christmas everyone. Now, let there be light" as he pressed the on button. Suddenly, there was voices of disappointment in the air as the tree didn't light. Stalin said "well, so much for brightening up the season" as Julius said to Ozcar a little gift from me to you, Ozcar opening it and seeing a small, smelly fruitcake. "Oh, thank you" Ozcar said as he left to find Katniss. "Oh well, it's the effort that counts" Johnny said to Mumble, before a voice said "and it's not right for all that effort to go down the drain"

"What are you doing here, Anna? I thought you hated Christmas"

"I do. But it's the time of peace on Earth and good will to all. So, I decided to let you have your holiday" Marshall said as she put the batteries back in the remote. No sooner had she done this that the entire Christmas tree was lit up with green and red lights, prompting a cheer from everyone as Stalin shouted "I think I feel a song coming on" while he stood on the stage and Bangers and Mash got out their piano.

**Stalin:** _It was Christmas Eve babe_

_In the drunk tank_

_An old man said to me, won't see another one_

_And then he sang a song_

_The Rare Old Mountain Dew_

_I turned my face away_

_And dreamed about you_

_Got on a lucky one_

_Came in eighteen to one_

_I've got a feeling_

_This year's for me and you_

_So happy Christmas_

_I love you baby_

_I can see a better time_

_When all our dreams come true_

Katniss sat on a bench as she opened her present. "Oh my Guin. Fruitcake! Thanks, Ozcar!"

**Marshall:** _They've got cars big as bars_

_They've got rivers of gold_

_But the wind goes right through you_

_It's no place for the old_

_When you first took my hand_

_On a cold Christmas Eve_

_You promised me_

_Broadway was waiting for me_

_You were handsome_

**Stalin:**_ You were pretty_

_Queen of New York City_

_When the band finished playing_

_They howled out for more_

**Stalin and Marshall:**_ Sinatra was swinging,_

_All the drunks they were singing_

_We kissed on a corner_

_Then danced through the night_

_The boys of the NYPD choir_

_Were singing "Galway Bay"_

_And the bells were ringing out_

_For Christmas day_

Johnny said to Mumble "well, this has to be one of the best Christmases I've ever had" only for the clock to strike midnight. Christmas was over, and it was now December 26th. Stalin saw this and said "right then. Who wants to die first?" as he pulled out his gun. Both he and Julius smiled as they charged their attacks, Marshall still singing as the fighting went on.

**Marshall: **_You're a bum_

_You're a punk_  
><em>You're an old slut on junk<em>  
><em>Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed<em>  
><em>You scumbag, you maggot<em>  
><em>You cheap lousy faggot<em>  
><em>Happy Christmas your arse<em>  
><em>I pray God it's our last<em>

_The boys of the NYPD choir_  
><em>Still singing "Galway Bay"<em>  
><em>And the bells were ringing out<em>  
><em>For Christmas da<em>y

**Merry Christmas to one and all**

**CAST**

MUMBLE

**ANDREW GARFIELD**

JULIUS

**ANDY SERKIS**

STALIN

**TOBY KEBBELL**

BANGERS

**JOHN C. REILLY**

MASH

**WILL FERRELL**

SLINK

**ZACHARY QUINTO**

BENNET

**MARK WAHLBERG**

MARY

**SHAILENE WOODLEY**

MARSHALL

**KRISTEN BELL**

VICTOR

**LIEV SCHRIEBER**

GARNER

**ZACH GALIFIANAKIS**

OZCAR

**DANE DeHAAN**

HELLAS

**MICHAEL FASSBENDER**

ALEKSEI

**PAUL GIAMATTI**

KATNISS

**JENNIFER LAWRENCE**

GLORIA

**EMMA STONE**

SEYMOUR

**WILL. I. AM**

JOHNNY

**BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH**

MORIARTY

**ANDREW SCOTT**

PETEY

**RYAN REYNOLDS**

CLIFF

**MARTIN FREEMAN**


	6. The Great Penguin Games

**The Great Penguin Games**

**Bold underline=fourth wall breaking**

**Petey: Here in Emperor Land, every year we have a competition: The Great Penguin Games. Easily one of the worst times of my year. Of course, every year I have lost to him **(Seymour) **but this time, I may just have a chance, cause this year, I'm getting my own team. One that's really gonna win this time. We call ourselves: The Petey team.**

"He-hay, Katniss. You wanna join team Petey?" Petey asked as he held out a petition to his former crush. However, Katniss took his petition and said "Pete, listen. It's brave of you to do this, but I'm saying this in the least offensive way possible. The only thing I would use this petition for, is to wipe my ass when I'm done in the bathroom, so sorry"

**Petey: All I gotta do now is, you know, get some members.**

As Petey said this, his devil-horned conscience appeared and said "I say we get old Seymour, outta the picture, eh Petey?"

"That's a good idea. But let's just see what angel Petey has to say"

"I am angel Petey!" the conscience answered before he was blasted by a much taller, red feathered Petey with glowing yellow eyes, who said in a deep booming voice "we must do whatever it takes to win!"

Later on, Johnny was instructing the competitors about the games that were set to be the next day. "Alright then. The games will consist of five events. The "porcupinefish tunnel", the "leopard seal den", the "ice cave maze" the "blindfold obstacle course" and finally, the "two-place triathlon". This is the perfect time of year where you fine young penguins get the chance to prove you are the best! Any questions?"

Katniss stood up and asked "can I volunteer on behalf of my younger sister?" before Ozcar answered with "wrong movie, Katniss. You don't have a sister" Katniss saying "oh yeah. Sorry I forgot"

"Right so, I have the list of volunteered teams. Team Johnny, team members being Andy, Barry, Fantine and of course, myself. Team Seymour, members being Seymour, Mildred, Mordecai and Ed, Team GK, members being only two for this one with Gloria and Katniss. So I guess that's all we ha-"

"WAIT!" Petey shouted."I'm signin' up!"

Katniss was close to laughing as Gloria said "uh, Petey. You have to have a team to do that"

"I'll get a team by tonight. With some serious athletes. Hey Mumble, do you want to be on my team?"

"Well Petey. Unless you have a competitive dancing event I can't really help you" Mumble answered. "Plus, I'm never gonna get in those games while Noah's still kickin' so, yeah nothing I can really do"

"(sigh) okay. **T****ap dancing**** disappointment.** Hey Ozcar, what about you? You interested?"

"Why would I want to compete against my girlfriend? Marshall was right, you really don't understand women" Ozcar laughed. Hearing that name gave Petey an idea.

Later, Petey sat in his room, which was lit by a single candle made of his own earwax(I don't even know if penguins have that) and explained his plan to his three companions. He said "okay, in order to win the Games tomorrow, I'm gonna need the best team of crackpots there is. I'm gonna need the world's smartest tactician. The world's best 5 mile sprinter, and the **world's finest demolition's expert***. Unfortunately, I don't know the first place to look for those three people _so_ I'm just gonna have to do with you guys" to Marshall, Victor and Garner. Garner said "I was told there'd be pie and punch"

"Okay" Petey said, before adding "3.14159265359(look it up)" and following this by punching Garner in the face. Victor then said "I thought this was Alcoholics Anonymous" before Marshall said "and I thought this was a class on what to do when your heart's been frozen", an impatient Petey saying "okay, okay. I have to confess, this is none of those things. You pathetic porkers are gonna be my team, and tomorrow we'll win the Great Penguin Games. **The Great Penguin games are a friendly competition held each year for the teenage students of the Antarctic Academy. First founded back in 1981 by the gentoo elder Julius, who apparently was a student back then in 1981. Even though I personally believe that old man Julius looks more like he was a student back in the year million million million million million million million million million million million million**(deep breath) **million million million million million BC. Anyway, the team left with the most points is the winner and now has proof that they're the best!**So nerds, are you with me!?"

Later on, Katniss and Gloria were sitting on the edge of the arena, having their usual girl talk. Petey walked to the entrance and whispered "okay. Team:check. Sign up: check. Michael Jackson music:check. Okay, let's do this" before kicking down the door and saying "sign me up, Johnny!" with the others behind him as Marshall held a radio. Marshall inserted the disc titled "Michael Jackson Thriller" into the radio and pressed the button. However, the song on the radio was not Thriller, but rather had lyrics that read:

_I-I-I-I'm hooked on a feeling,_

_I'm high on believing,_

_that you're in love with me..._

_Lips as sweet as candy,_

_it's taste is on my mind_

_girl you got me th-_

Petey threw the radio on the floor, shattering it instantly, saying "sorry. Wrong song" as he said "okay. I've got my team. Not a chance of Seymour winning this time, right Team Petey" to his crew, who didn't answer. After Petey had signed up, Gloria and Katniss observed his team members, Katniss saying "aw. I wanted to be with Anna" before Gloria said "but team GK always has two members" before Katniss said "yyyyyeeeeeaaaaahhhhh. I was...originally going to call the team...team...MK"

"WHAT!" Gloria shouted, "You were going to replace me!"

"Hey no offense Gloria, but I was always the one running the show here"

"You son of a fish! We'll see who's running the show when I'm using your tongue for a treadmill!" Gloria shouted. Petey was the first to see this and said "Anybody got a camera" before walking over to the two girls and sarcastically saying "you know I really hope this doesn't end in violence between you two" quietly saying "oops" as he pretended to lose his footing and pushed Katniss into Gloria, the latter punching Katniss in the beak and tackling her to the ground. Petey kept his eyes glued to their fight as he said "oh come on Katniss. You know better than to fight with Gloria" before "accidentally" putting a blow torch in Katniss' reach, the latter grabbing it and trying to hit Gloria. Petey continued to taunt them as he said "come on Gloria. Remember what happened last time?" before throwing a knife to Gloria, who used it to slash Katniss across the flipper, Katniss screaming in anger as their fight became much more brutal, the two now being on the floor throwing massive blows to each other. "come on. You two love each other" Petey said before putting forward an arsenal filled with maces, swords, axes, sais, tridents, clubs, hammers and nunchucks, saying "these are here if you want them" as he sat to see the fight. After a while, a beaten and battered Katniss let go of Gloria's neck, stood up and said "we shouldn't be fighting like this. We're on the same team. I'm sorry that I tried to replace you Gloria. Make up?" an equally beaten Gloria smiling as she answered "make up" before Katniss helped her friend to her feet, both of them turning to see Petey while he chanted "kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! No? Not happening? okay, sorry" before Katniss grabbed the arsenal and emptied it onto Petey and stormed out. Marshall pulled Petey out of the pile of lethal weapons and said "shouldn't we be training for the games tomorrow?"

After this, Petey and his team were on the outskirts of Emperor Land. Marshall had suggested that they practice how to maintain balance both physically and mentally. And so this exercise involved the team doing an unusual alien activity called "Yoga". Petey had initially objected to this, but the others unanimously agreed that they would practice doing Yoga...blindfolded...balancing on one foot...on two inch wide icicles. Petey of course lasted the shortest duration of the group, falling off of the icicle moments after putting on his blindfold, and even that took at least five minutes. Petey picked himself off of the floor and said "well, we'll never get in shape at this rate! Cue cool 80s training montage!" before turning on his new record player.

_Silent darkness creeps into your soul._

"Come on guys! Let's see some hustle!" Petey shouted to his team as they ran up and down the stairs of the Antarctic Academy.

_And removes the light of self-control_

Garner suddenly tripped and fell down the stairs and on top of Petey, who struggled to breathe under the larger penguin's weight.

_The cave that holds you captive has no doors_

Petey recorded their 2 lap time as 5:57 and threw the alien stopwatch on the floor and stormed out.

_Burnin' with determination  
>To even up the score<em>

_Hearts on fire_  
><em>Strong desire<em>

_Rages deep within_  
><em>Hearts on fire<em>  
><em>Fever's rising high<em>  
><em>The moment of truth draws near<em>

In order to fix his team, Petey had them lifting large snowballs attached by an icicle. Petey himself tried to lift one before finding himself flattened by snow.

_Time will not allow you to stand still, no_

Next the group were doing pushups. Each member took turns while Petey sat on his or her back shouting verbal abuse.

_Silence breaks the heart and bends the will_

Mumble then filmed Petey climbing a massive ice mountain, until he turned the camera around and realised that Petey was actually crawling across the floor.

_And things that give deep passions are your sword_

Petey then had each of his team mates lift a massive block of ice by pulling on a rope. Petey also gave it a go, only for the rope to break and Petey to be flattened by the ice.

_Rules and regulations have no meaning anymore_

_Hearts on fire_  
><em>Strong desire<em>  
><em>Rages deep within<em>  
><em>Hearts on fire<em>  
><em>Fever's rising high<em>  
><em>The moment of truth is here<em>  
><em>Is here<em>

Finally the day of the games came. Petey had his team march in single file up to the arena, where a crowd of students had gathered to watch the games. Hellas and Aleksei sat on the arena's edge with megaphones to provide commentary. Hellas started with "citizens of Emperor Land, I welcome you all...to the Great Penguin Games! Our first event is the porcupinefish tunnel" to which Aleksei responded with "it's a good day for running through tunnels" as the contestants lined up to the starting line, Hellas continuing with "this is the startin' line. The line over there is the finish line! first team to cross it, gets the points!". Each team came together to devise their strategy. Team Johnny agreed on "right, stick together, and focus on the finish!" Team GK's was "look away from the ammo, and go till the end" Team Seymour decided to "keep going till the end of the line(Winter Soldier reference)" and Petey simply said "I am gonna beat Seymour over that finish line". Finally, Hellas had a small krill bite Aleksei on the foot, the latter letting out a high-pitched shriek which symbolized the starting gun, the teams setting off to the race. As they ran, small but sharp porcupinefish were slingshot at them. Gloria was hit in the arm with one and fell to the floor, Katniss helping her the rest of the way. Team Johnny were quickly dodging the flying fish. Mordecai was the only member of Team Seymour to be hit with one, Mildred carrying him. However, when it came to Team Petey, Petey raced ahead of his team and was quickly covered in porcupinefish. Marshall was hit in the stomach and backside with one, Victor took one to the face, and Garner even swallowed one. Petey quickly overtook Teams GK and Johnny, and was inching behind Seymour, both of them jumping for the finish at the same time. However, Petey jumped too soon and found himself landing face first on the floor inches away from the line, as Hellas said "Team Seymour get three points!" Petey quickly scrambled across the finish line and cheered, Ozcar and Mumble laughing as Ozcar said "good way to blow it, Pete". Petey responded to this with "you know, second place isn't that bad" only for Hellas to say "second place team GK! Two points!" Petey turning and saying "wait. What? But I go-" Mumble explaining with "your whole team has to cross" Hellas again saying "third place Team Johnny! One point! And finally, with no points at all, Team Petey" as Marshall, Victor and Garner limped over the line, Garner saying "I can't feel my tongue!" as Hellas added "well everyone, in tirty(he's Irish) minutes, we'll be doing the Leopard Seal den" Petey angrily kicking a block of ice which hit Aleksei in the head, knocking him out instantly.

Before the teams entered the leopard seal den, Mumble talked to Petey to try and get him to stop this. "Petey, you're gonna get yourself and your team killed if you carry on at this rate" Petey saying "look, I know they're a working progress but that's where I come in. I'm gonna carry the team!" only for Mumble to say "oh yeah, and who's gonna carry you?" Petey responded to this with "hey. I asked you to be on my team and you said no. So in case you don't mind twinkle toes, I suggest you go and get a seat. And bring some water, ***cause I'm about to set the show on fire!"**

Mumble walked over to the stand and saw Hellas and Aleksei getting ready to start the show, Aleksei now wearing a bandage over his head. Hellas said "and now our contestants must find their respective flags and venture into the leopard seal den!"

"It's a good day for running through tunnels" Aleksei added. Petey said "Victor. Is it set up?" Victor answering "perfectly" before Hellas said "and 3. 2. 1. Get going!" all the contestants running through the den. Victor saw one of team Petey's flags hanging over a sleeping leopard seal. He quickly jumped up and grabbed it before pressing a button on his arm and setting off the 20lbs of TNT that were underneath the seal, leaving only an eye and a small pile of teeth. Katniss and Marshall raced to get to their respective flags, before Marshall pressed her button in order to detonate the dynamite next to Katniss, the latter being unharmed yet thrown across the room. Garner ran into Mordecai and said "oh look. Punch!" Mordecai turning around and allowing Garner to hit him in the back of the head before grabbing his flag. Seymour finally reached the finish line with all four of his team's flags, only for Petey to say "hey buddy. How's it like to lose for once?" as Hellas said "Team Petey wins! Three points!" Petey turned to the team and said "hey guys. Ya hear that. I did it. I actually won. My first points ever. I like beating Seymour. Wow, I feel good. Actually, I feel taller. Am I taller? No, don't answer that" as Ozcar asked Mumble "is Petey gloating?" Mumble answering with "I don't know. I've never seen him gloat before" Victor saying to Garner "so Joe. Who did you blow up?" Garner answering "blow up?" before the den suddenly blew to bits, Mumble saying "so that's what he meant".

The following event was the ice cave maze, where the contestants had to get through the maze as quickly as they could. Team Seymour ran quickly in a group and crossed the finish line, only for Hellas to say "second place Team Seymour! Two points!" Seymour turning around and seeing Petey waving and blowing kisses to the crowd, before showing off his blow torch, Seymour realising the massive holes that had been burnt into the ice maze. Next there was the blindfold obstacle course, where Team Petey passed each obstacle thanks to Marshall's yoga training. Hellas once again said "Team Petey winds! Three points. The total for Team Petey is 9 points, they tie with Team Seymour. Tomorrow one member of both teams will compete in the ultimate tiebreaker: the two place triathlon!"

Petey said "Okay guys. Don't worry. I'm gonna win this thing!" before Marshall said "how dare you!"

"What do you mean?"

"You can't just take credit for everything that we've done for you! Victor brought the dynamite, I did the blindfolded yoga, and the blow torch was Joe's idea. You're a bad winner Petey, and we're done being your little soldiers. See you round jerk!" Marshall snapped as the three left. Petey simply said "go on then. Fine. Who needs you. **There's no "team" in "I", and I can do this all by myself.**"

The next day, Petey and Seymour gathered at the finish line, Hellas saying "well, this is it everyone. The final event. Whoever wins this race shall be the ultimate winner of the champion of the Great Penguin Games" before the race began, Seymour held out his flipper and said "may the best penguin win" only for Petey to slap his hand away and say "I plan to". Aleksei was once again bitten by a krill and sounded the "starting gun", both racers running toward the finish line. Moriarty and Johnny started pushing massive snowballs down the hill, Petey slipping and sliding as to avoid being flattened. They then started part 2 of 3: climbing the ice wall, Seymour being in front as they climbed the mountain. Katniss and Gloria were to throw large ice cubes at them to slow them down. Katniss, seeking payback for Petey causing a fight between her and Gloria, threw her biggest cube first, Petey taking it to his face and almost falling to his death. But he still carried on up the mountain, Aleksei saying "ooh. I love a good berg to the face!". At the top of the mountain, Rappa(Seymour's skua) and Deathstroke(Petey's skua) were waiting for part 3: flying the full circle. Seymour reached the top of the mountain first and set off on Rappa, Petey using Deathstroke's speed to catch up and then overtake them. Petey was coming up fast to the finish line. His heart was pounding. His flippers were sweating. He could practically taste the victory. However, for a split second, he turned. He saw his team mates, and the disappointment on all their faces. He saw the sadness reflected on himself. He suddenly didn't feel like winning anymore, slowing down Petey and stopping just before the finish line. Petey stood still, Seymour whizzing past and crossing the line, winning once again. Marshall saw this and stared, her confused glare soon becoming a proud smile once she had realised what Petey had done. Petey jumped off of Deathstroke, his former team mates walking up to him as Marshall said "good job Pete. Sorry you didn't win"

Petey simply smiled and said "it's okay. I guess Seymour was just the better penguin, that's all" only for Marshall to say "no Petey. No one was a better penguin than you today" before she left, Victor and Garner following her after Garner said "you may have lost the race, but you did it for us Petey. Someone who has the sheer craziness to do that's a winner in our book" Petey saying "I guess this means you won't be on the team next year then" only for Victor to say "you kidding. We wouldn't miss it for the world" as the three walked away. Petey looked at where they had gone and simply smiled.

**Petey: Yep. That's right, second place again. But it's okay, cause I realised something. There's somethings in the world that are more important than being a winner. Like being a good friend. Even if those friends are, you know,_ those guys_, ha ha.**

**CAST**

PETEY

**RYAN REYNOLDS**

MARSHALL

**KRISTEN BELL**

MUMBLE

**ANDREW GARFIELD**

VICTOR

**LIEV SCHRIEBER**

GARNER

**ZACH GALIFIANAKIS**

OZCAR

**DANE DeHAAN**

HELLAS

**MICHAEL FASSBENDER**

ALEKSEI

**PAUL GIAMATTI**

KATNISS

**JENNIFER LAWRENCE**

GLORIA

**EMMA STONE**

SEYMOUR

**WILL. I. AM**

JOHNNY

**BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH**

PETEY'S ANGEL/PETEY'S DEVIL

**NOLAN NORTH**


End file.
